Days Up Days Down
Mental health struggles are real
Because May is known as mental health awareness month, I wanted to write something about it. I know that I haven't written about it in awhile, but it is always here.
Our mental health should be cared for every month actually and not just when it's brought up. See, life is tough and I remember the years that I was in a deep depression. I struggled horribly. No matter what I did to try and make my life better, I fell deeper and deeper into a mental dark hole. You know, that deep hole that you just can't climb out of. Or that large brick wall in that dimly lit room that you can't seem to climb over because something won't let you. Something was always holding me back so I couldn't enjoy life.
I had a few people in my life at different times who tried to help me through my struggles, but it didn't always help. At least not to the full extent of being happy. Other people in my life didn't even know that I was struggling so much until things got worse. And I mean worse. I became suicidal a few times. Ended up in the hospital a few times. Scared my family by doing so.
I went through different counseling, and saw a few Psychologists for a couple of years which helped to a certain degree. And because of that, I became interested in Psychology. So I took a Psychology course and learned a lot more about myself. As I learned about myself and why I thought and felt in different ways that I did, it helped me greatly. Before I often felt like I was suffering alone and that no one understood me. But I was wrong. People do know and have felt the same as I had.
When I first saw a Phychiatrist, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Severe Depression, and Anxiety. When I learned about those disorders, it all made sense to me. I began to understand why my brain was working the way it was. The traumas I experienced at a younger age and not being able to understand how to cope with them really took a toll on the kind of person I was. Some of the things that I did as I got older could have gotten me into a lot of trouble but I was lucky that way. But mentally and emotionally I struggled. I hid a lot of it well at times, but other times, not so much.
But as I have aged and learned, I know now what's important. I don't have to please everyone like I once thought. I don't need to put others ahead of me all of the time. I don't have to do things that I don't feel is right. I do need to make sure that I am not struggling mentally and emotionally for long periods of a time. I do need to take mental breaks more often. I do need to do things that I enjoy.
What I wrote just above is not selfish talk either. Everyone needs to keep this in mind. Everyone needs to take mental health breaks or life struggles will take a toll on you. Yes, you might have family to tend to and maybe even work. But, if you don't take care of yourself mentally and emotionally, you might not be there when they really need you.
If you are going through struggles right now, talk to someone. Let them know how you are feeling or what your thoughts are. If they care about you, they will help you find some professional help. Life is worth living when you find the joy that you need. I found out that I am happier when I'm not in a relationship with someone. Because of my traumas, relationships were somewhat toxic for me.
Now, I'm not going to say that I'm happy all the time because that would be a lie. I have some down days once in awhile but nothing like they were years ago. I have learned how to deal with those down days so that they don't last as long. I honestly don't want to get to that bad point ever again. If you have never experienced it, it is very scary in that dark hole. And not being able to climb over the growing wall of defeat is tough too. But I have done it and many others have too.
If you struggle with mental illness, my suggestion to you is to learn about it. Find out why you feel the way you do. Once you learn about it, then take the steps to healing yourself. Some memories of traumas will always be there. But, you are in control now as to how it affects you. Do you want the trauma you experienced to run your life? I know that I don't. Dial 988 if you need someone to talk to. They will help you.
If you read this all the way to the end, thank you. So many people struggle with some form of mental illness and it's hard. Be kind and try and understand.